maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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