bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
