Im at strip club and am horny
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
