you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Randomize
