Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
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