If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
you had me at cake vodka
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Randomize
