Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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