remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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