How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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