Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
