totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
