Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
