if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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