So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
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