he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
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