I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
i now understand why vodka
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Randomize
