Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
