I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
she told me i tasted like america
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
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