You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize
