When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
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