I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Randomize
