Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Randomize
