Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
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