So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
