when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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