Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
