Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Randomize
