2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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