I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
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