Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize