in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
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