Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
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