Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
