Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
