So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize