i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize
