You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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