hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
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