dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
