I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
you made out with another girl for some wings
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
