I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
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