i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
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