He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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