I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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