Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
that is very illegal...i love you.
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