So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
