Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Randomize
