What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize
