I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
