The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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