dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Randomize