I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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