I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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