reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
You did what with his pubic hair?
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