You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
