found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
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