ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
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