so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Boobs speak an international language.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
