don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
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