my soul wont recognize me after tonight
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
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