he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize