It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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