I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
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