We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
you would pick up someone in the library
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
