And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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