If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
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