You can't special order awesome
Barsexuality is the new black.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
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