As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
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