My liver just broke up with me...
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I think my nap took me to another dimension
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
