I cannot find my penis.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
