You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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