I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
