I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
whose ass print is on the piano?
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
how does that bad decision feel?
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
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