i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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