he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
