No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
