Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
it's like iHOP with fire
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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