He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Randomize
